a way for people to get more out of me than a regular person on a regular day there is a way to push me until my breaking point and at this point in time im at my breaking point i dont know how to put thoughts into words and words into sentences i dont know how to express how i feel with out getting completely pissed off i dont know how to ever except my self for who i want to be and not what others want to be. But yet im always stuck and i always fuck up and i can never be me with out upsetting some one and i know that its supposed to be find someone who wants you for you and not for what they want but that will never happen with me it never will it never has. i dont ever think im going to find someone who can sit there and be happy with me that can not pick out everything wrong that i do and maybe its just me and maybe im crazy or maybe im wrong but its all i ask for its all i want. to not argue, to not feel like shit, to not feel like im going through hell just to please other but to please my self to make my self happy as well to be able to say that i am doing everything i can in something and not constantly shutting down. and again to understand me you have to understand my story have to understand why i am the way i am why i show no feelings why i go through days the way i do. i am not anti social i actually love conversation, i dont like being home i love exploring the world id travel the world if i could. i dont like boundaries and no i am not a clingy person but when i can love i will love completely hard and if i am allowed to i will give my all. but i stop my self and i never let go and id cry a million tears at night before i ever let anyone know but lately its the life ive chose to live and things dont seem to go my way. maybe im supposed to be alone cause everytime i get a shot at love it slips out my fingers. im tired of being depressed im tired of fighting with my self im tired of wanting to slip back into my old ways but its happening and theyll come and ill go through it over and over again and some people will say its life but ill call it torture.
